Why Networking Kills Me Inside (Sometimes)

So I'll be straight up in admitting that I am a closeted introvert. Before I continue I just want to clarify a few things:

• I like people.
• I enjoy the company of others.
• I enjoy meeting new people.
• Working in teams is exciting for me.
• Playing the role of a leader is a comfortable place for me. 

While all of these things are true, what makes me an introvert is that after about 15-20 minutes in social settings can drive me a bit bonkers. All I want to do is crawl into my little hole with a book or sketch pad. Unfortunately the design world doesn't give a crap about people like me (for the most part.) 

Even my most inner circle of friends have a hard time believing that I identify as a closet introvert. If i'm not having dinner or hanging out with them, I'm usually out on a client meeting, attending networking events and going to interviews. What they don't know is that for every one of these, it feels like ripping off a band-aid. That being said I find that I do all of these things well, but at a price. What makes freelancing an ideal fit for me right now is that I have the ability to spend hours at home alone, in my bed (yes, I can roll my bed up to my 27" iMac) and be alone. It's how I make sh*t happen. 

So why do I die a little inside when networking? Simply put, it's draining. I have to go out and meet new people constantly, send out emails, remember the names of their pets and name drop to build credibility. Don't call me a fake because I actually do like learning about new people, things and places. I also do care about the iives of my clients and peers. I just can't handle too much of it. So how does an introvert survive in an industry that awards people with charisma and evident conviction with the gift of gab? I fake the hell out of it. 

Here's how:

Small Talk

Unlike extroverts who prefer to get to know people with small talk before entering serious talk, introverts work the opposite. Introverts like myself prefer to connect with people on a serious level and reserve small talk for their inner circle of friends. I don't know why. It seems kind of silly because of course you'd start with small talk. But perhaps that's just my perception through the filter of today's western social construct. 

When in a crowded room, I'm always aware that I can come off as a creeper if I don't talk to someone quick. I target perhaps 3 or 4 people, usually quiet ones themselves, and rip off the band-aid from there.

"What's your name?"
"Where are you from?"
"What industry are you in?"
"Oh really? What projects are you working on?"

And then I get my fill of quality connection when I deeply engage them on their creative process and inspirations, heroes, etc. etc.

Trivia

People always appreciate it when you remember something from your previous encounter. I always try to remember 2 or 3 facts. Sometimes I don't even remember names. Everyone forgets them. So remember their dogs' names, kids (if any) and where they work. If anything at least remember their "big project" that they're working on. 

Business Cards and Website (well LinkedIn counts too)

I keep telling my friends that this is the most important investment you will ever make in whatever profession you choose. These things will do half the networking for you.

What? I can gain clients and not even have to go out and meet them?

Well, it's a stretch, but yes it does happen. Sometimes it can surprise you. No shaking hands, no awkward dinner dates, no driving out on the 405 for 3 hours and no having to put a tie on (thank god.) Think of your profile as your cardboard cut-out stand-in. It's out there for you, talking for you and making connections for you. 

Social Media

I've been blogging on and off for a few years now (We're talking since like the arrival of Livejournal.com), so this has been my main use of the web for quiet sometime now.  With the development of Twitter, LinkedIn and instagram, it allows me to keep in touch with my VIP list without the effort of "actual social interaction". Let's be real, it saves all of us a sweaty handshake.

So how does this make me employable? Especially when I need my own space? Headphones: problem solved. 

Consider this read: Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking

Or if you are as an impatient person as I am, check out the TED Talk here: